Somebody Could've Used That Bus
by SakuraMota
Summary: A make-fun-of an actual scene with Mr. Satan from the Cell Saga. A silly story, and funnier than this summary suggests. Please R&R!


_Somebody Could've Used That Bus… _

A DBZ Scene Spin

By: Sakura Mota 

Author's Disclosure:  I own no one in DBZ, at least the last time I checked I didn't.  This story is really a spin on an actual scene from the Cell Saga, as the title "A DBZ Scene Spin" suggests.  I thought this up after I saw that scene, wondering what it would have been like if Goku had tried to do the same things.  Please R I wanna know if I represented Mr. Satan the way he's supposed to be.  With all that said, happy reading!  *

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            From inside the stadium walls, Mr. Satan could hear his screaming fans.  'Oh yeah,' he thought.  'This is gonna be great!  Imagine all the photo opportunities I'm gonna have out there!'

            Mr. Satan turned back and glanced at his challenger, who stood in the shadows far behind him.  He could see his challenger was a slim man, very small, at least when compared to Mr. Satan's size.

            Mr. Satan grinned.  'Look at that wimp!' he thought.  'He won't stand a chance.  He's got to do everything I do.  Man, I wish they'd have gotten me a more challenging opponent.  I mean, I can almost make out that guy's hairstyle from here, and boy, is it weird!  Look at it!  It's all spiky!  It's nowhere _near as stylish as mine!'_

            Mr. Satan ran his hand over the black curly Afro on top of his head.  'But then,' he mused, '_no one can be as perfect as __me.'_

            "Give it up for your champion—MR. SATAN!!!" the announcer boomed over the loudspeakers atop the huge stadium.

            Mr. Satan heard the screams of his fans, and knew that was his cue.  He picked up the chains on the floor at his feet, put them around his shoulders, and then took one final glance back at his competition.

            "Watch this, chump!" he called back, cupping one of his hands on the side of his mouth.  "I'll show you how it's done!"

            "Okay," said his challenger cheerfully.

            Mr. Satan took a deep breath, then began to pull on the chains with all his strength.  His temples bulging on the sides of his forehead and his face turning red from strain, Mr. Satan slowly took a step forward.  Every muscle in his body was stressed as he slowly began to pull what was at the other end of the chains.

            "And here he comes, folks!" the announcer said as Mr. Satan slowly began to emerge from the shadows and into the center of the circular ring.  "Oh, but look, ladies and gentlemen!  Mr. Satan seems to be dragging something!  What could it be?"

            Mr. Satan brought the front of his towed cargo out into the bright stadium lights, and everyone gasped in surprise as he continued to strain his body, his face in intense concentration for once in his life.

            "Whoa!" the announcer said when he saw the sight.  "Mr. Satan is dragging not one, not two, not three, but _four huge tour buses!  __Wow!"_

            Mr. Satan pulled the four buses completely into the stadium, then set down the chains.  Having done this and despite the fact that his body felt completely drained and he was panting heavily, sweat dripping down his neck from his forehead, the ever-publicity-hungry Mr. Satan raised his fists into the air, cringing as it stretched his sore muscles.  By doing this, he exposed his massive, throbbing-in-pain arm muscles.

            "YEAH!!!" Mr. Satan bellowed as everyone cheered, ecstatic.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Far away, on an island in the middle of the ocean, Krillen, a short, bald monk-slash-martial artist, sat watching TV in Master Roshi's house.  His head laying completely on the table, and a soda can in his right hand, Krillen watched the exploits of the so-called mighty hero Mr. Satan glumly.

            "What an idiot…" he mumbled to himself.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Back at the stadium,  Mr. Satan, his passion for self-exploitation temporarily satisfied, picked up three huge phonebooks.

            "What now, folks?" the announcer said over the roar of screaming fans and the sound of flashing camera shutters.  "It looks like the champ is holding _three massive phonebooks!  What could he possibly do with them?"_

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Call a shrink for everyone who's stupid enough to _like him?" Krillen commented back at the Kame house.  "Better yet, maybe he can use them to knock some sense into these people…"_

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Mr. Satan held one end of the three phonebooks with his right hand, then grasped the other end with his left.  Concentrating as hard as he could (which isn't much), Mr. Satan strained his arm muscles and soon ripped all three phone books in an impressive feat of strength.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Or at least, it was impressive to _everyone else…_

            Krillen smothered a yawn with his free hand, then took a sip from his soda.  Wiping his mouth, Krillen sighed heavily.  "Bor—ring…" he said grimly.  "Man, I swear, can he get any _dumber?  Why am I even __watching this guy?!"_

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Amazing folks!" the announcer said into his microphone as he walked over to Mr. Satan, who was grinning heroically and posing for the many clicking shutters of reporters and fans.  "Mr. Satan has JUST ripped three HUGE phonebooks IN HALF!!!"

            The crowd cheered and roared with applause and shouts.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Hooray…" Krillen said dully, his eyes half-open in boredom.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Now, Mr. Satan, could you please tell us your plans for fighting Cell?" the announcer asked.  He held the microphone up so Mr. Satan could speak into it.

            "Yeah, I'll tell ya'!" Mr. Satan bellowed into the microphone.  "I'm gonna do to Cell what I do to this bus!"

            Mr. Satan turned around, and slammed his fist into the bus.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Gee, that's too bad," Goku said as he stood in the shadows outside of the stadium where Mr. Satan had once stood.  Yes, the mighty Saiyan warrior, Goku, was Mr. Satan's challenger.

            "Whaddaya' mean?" an attendant nearby asked Goku.

            Goku paused and said sadly, "Somebody could've used that bus…"

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Incredible, ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer said.  "Mr. Satan has just punched a hole in one of the buses to imitate where Cell's stomach should be!  Astounding!"

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Yeah," Krillen said gloomily.  "Let me tell ya', I'm _so amazed."_

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Why don't you come over and talk to all of your fans, Mr. Satan!" the announcer said.

            Mr. Satan grinned, nodded, and then attempted to pull his hand out of the bus, but found that it was stuck!

            "Uh-oh…" Mr. Satan said.  He gulped nervously.  Mr. Satan turned to the announcer and smiled sheepishly.  "J—Just a second!" he said, holding out his free hand.

            Mr. Satan turned back around and frantically began to pull on his captured hand with his free arm.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Oh boy, it looks like he's stuck," Goku said.

            "Nah, no way," the attendant who stood behind him said as he surveyed the scene with Goku.  "He's probably just fooling around."

            "It doesn't…look like that…to me…" Goku said.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Back at the Kame house, the sound of hysterical laughter could be heard echoing throughout the vicinity.  Inside, Krillen lay on the ground, rolling, laughing, and clutching his sides.  His soda can lay tipped on the table beside him, spilling its contents onto the surface.

            "Oh…my…gosh!" Krillen said between his laughter.  "His hand…is _stuck!" Krillen burst into even louder hysterics.  "F-Finally, that joke did something __entertaining!"  Krillen continued to laugh crazily and kick his feet in the air, as a desperate Mr. Satan tried to pry his hand free on the TV screen._

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Are…you okay, Mr. Satan?" the announcer asked, concern in his voice.

            Mr. Satan froze.  "Uh-Of course I'm okay!" he said, sweat trickling down his face.

            "Do you need some help?" the announcer asked.

            Mr. Satan gave one final, desperate tug on his arm, and it popped out of the bus like a cork.  Mr. Satan, breathing a sigh of relief, turned to the announcer, and grinned.  "With what?" he asked.  "I don't need any help!  I was just fooling around!  Ha ha ha!"

            Mr. Satan struck another corny pose as the camera shutters began to click again.

            "You heard him, ladies and gentlemen!  He's super strong _and a comedian!  What a guy!"_

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Ex-nay on that first part," Krillen said, finally sitting up straight again and calming down.  He picked up a new can of soda, popped it open, and took a large swig.  Krillen sighed and wiped his mouth.  "But he sure has the comedian part down-pact!  What a ham!"

            "And now," the announcer said to the audience as the buses Mr. Satan had pulled out were towed away and out of the ring by a crane, "we have a surprise for you, ladies and gentlemen!  We asked a challenger to compete against our champ!  He has to perform _all of the incredible feats our champ Mr. Satan just did or better, if that's humanly possible!  This isn't a contest, and there are no prizes, we just wanted to see if our new champ could match the fighting mettle of the previous champion of the World's Martial Arts Tournament!_

            "Now, let's have a friendly round of applause for our challenger, the former champion—GOKU!"

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Krillen, who had just taken another gulp of his soft drink, heard the announcement and spit all of his soda out in a huge spray of surprise.  "GOKU?!!" he repeated, wide-eyed.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Hey, guy, that's your cue!" the attendant said to Goku.

            "My cue?" Goku repeated, puzzled.  "To do what?"

            "You gotta pull out all a' these buses, just like Mr. Satan did," the attendant explained.

            "Oh…" Goku said slowly, nodding his head.  Goku paused and scratched his head in confusion.  "Why?"

            The attendant smacked himself in the forehead and groaned.  'This kid is _definitely not the sharpest crayon in the box…' he thought to himself.  He sighed.  "Listen, kid, I don't make the rules; I enforce them.  So just try and pull out the buses, if you can, and yell if you want us to remove any."_

            "What if I want you to put more on?"

            "Huh?  Ha; that's funny, kid.  We'll see if you're singin' the same tune when you're pullin' these buses."  Having said this, the attendant slowly began to walk away.  "Oy, I don't get paid enough for this," he mumbled.

            "Wait!" Goku called after him.  But the attendant didn't hear.  "Darn.  He forgot to explain to me how to tell them I want more buses.  Oh well.  Better get crackin'!"

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "What's taking our challenger so long?" the announcer asked as the crowd began to talk amongst themselves, filling the stadium with the sound of buzzing chatter.  "Maybe this is too big of a job for him.  What do you think, Mr. Satan?" the announcer asked, turning to the hairy-armed champion and raising the microphone so Mr. Satan could speak into it, the poor announcer being forced to stretch his arm and stand on the tips of his toes in order for the giant named Mr. Satan to speak.

            "I think the little runt is stuck!" Mr. Satan said, folding his hairy arms across his broad chest.  "And further more, I—WHA?!!"

            As Mr. Satan was finishing his sentence, Goku emerged from the shadows, walking casually, pulling the chains that towed the buses with his pinky finger, not straining at all.

            Silence filled the stadium, sending an eerie chill into the air.  Everyone stared at Goku in utter amazement as he walked out towing the four buses almost effortlessly, as if nothing were behind him at all.

            "Whoa," Goku said, "I'd better slow down.  If I go any faster, these buses will come charging into me.  And I don't think they'd like to have buses with my body imprint made straight through the middle.  'Better walk slower."

            Goku slowed his pace down slightly.  A snail on the ground plunked slowly along, and soon surpassed Goku in speed.  Eventually, Goku made it to the center ring.  Placing the chains on the ground, he turned and walked toward the announcer and Hercule, the announcer cowering behind Hercule, who also stood with a frantic expression on his face.

            "There!" Goku said, smiling brightly.  "I pulled out the buses!  Now what do I win?"

            "Huh?" the announcer said, peering out from behind Mr. Satan's massive elbow.  "Oh, no, Mr. Goku, you don't win anything," he said, stepping out from behind Mr. Satan and taking a few cautious steps toward Goku.  "This is merely a friendly competition of strength between you and Mr. Satan."

            "Oh…umm…so what do I do now?" Goku asked.

            "Rip these three phonebooks in half, all at the same time," Mr. Satan said, taking the three books from an attendant and thrusting them into Goku's hands.

            "But…why?" Goku asked insistently.  "Is there something wrong with them?  Are they expired, or something?  Why do you want me to rip them up?  Are you gonna recycle them, or something?"

            "Mr. Goku?" the announcer asked, putting his arm around Goku's shoulders.

            "Umm…yes?" Goku asked, holding all three phonebooks with his two hands and eyeing the announcer oddly.

            "JUST DO IT!!!" the announcer screamed.

            Goku cringed as the announcer yelled into his ear, then sighed heavily.  "Okay…"

            Goku held both ends of the phonebooks with his two hands, and slowly began to bend them.  All three of the phonebooks ripped in his hands with ease, as if he were ripping a singular piece of paper.

            "There!" he said, smiling cheerfully.  "I ripped them up.  Now what?"

            "Punch…a hole…in the bus…?" the announcer said wide-eyed, pointing to the buses behind Goku, still watching him in awe.

            Goku turned and looked at one of the buses, then turned back to the announcer.  "But why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in distraught confusion.  "Why do you want me to do that?  I mean, it's a pretty good bus…Is it broken?"

            "Please…Mr. Goku…just…do it…please?" the announcer said nervously.

            "O…kay…" Goku said.

            Goku held up his index finger and held it parallel to the bus.  Gently, he brought it toward the bus, and……_touched it._

            Suddenly, the bus went flying through the air!  Although his intentions to suppress his powers were true and honest, Goku was still too powerful for his own good.  The bus zoomed through the air and crash-landed into the stands, people running _literally for their lives._

            "Oh my gosh!  Man, I'm so sorry!  I didn't mean to—did I hurt anybody?" Goku exclaimed, cupping his hands over his mouth as he yelled the end of his statement.  

            Goku took to the air and glided across the stadium to the stands where the bus had landed.  He lifted up the bus, then held it with one hand.  

"Phew!  Good!  Everybody moved out of the way!" he said with a sigh of relief.  Goku turned to the fans, who all stared at him, wide-eyed.  "Sorry to scare you like that," Goku said, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.  "Guess I don't know my own strength!  I'll try to be more careful next time, okay?"  
            "Uh…huh…" said a male fan, eyeing Goku nervously.  "Sure…whatever…you say…"

            "Okay then," Goku said, smiling and nodding his head.  Goku turned and slowly glided back down to the center of the ring.  "Sorry to give you such a scare!" he called back, waving kindly.  "I promise—it won't happen again!"

            The fans in that area nodded and waved at Goku, whose smile widened at their expression of accepting his apology.  The entire group's eyes rolled back into their heads, and every one of them fell out, passing out cold into their seats.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            "Oh, man, Goku…" Krillen said back at the Kame house, covering his eyes with his right hand, his left eye peeking out through his fingers.  "That was close!"  He gulped.  "_Too close, if you ask me…What is it with Saiyans and __always over-doing it?"  Krillen sighed.  "Oh well.  At least nothing got hurt…"  'Well, except Mr. Satan's pride, maybe…' he thought._

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Goku landed on the ground, then turned to the announcer.  "Sorry 'bout that," he said, smiling sheepishly and turning slightly red in embarrassment.

            The announcer stood trembling, his knees buckled and the microphone in his hand quivering with fear, his arms held limp at his sides.  He stared wide-eyed at Goku, and pointed up at the bus Goku was holding.  "You're…you're…you're holding the bu…bu…bu-bu-bu-bu…" he stammered.

            "What?" Goku asked, smiling and placing the fist of his free arm on his hip as he continued to hold the bus with his singular hand with ease.  "Is something wrong?"

            "The bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu…" the announcer continued.

            "Did…I do something…wrong?" Goku asked.  "I didn't mean to send it flying like that, it just…well…_did."_

            "The b-b-bu-bu-bu…bu…"  The announcer passed out cold on the floor.

            "Gosh…" Goku said.  "Hmm.  Oh well."  Goku casually tossed the bus aside, and it landed with a loud slam.  Goku then turned and walked over to Mr. Satan, who stared at Goku in shear fear.

            Goku took hold of Mr. Satan's hand and shook it.  "Thanks a lot!  This was fun!  But I gotta go now."  Goku turned around and began to walk away, then turned his head back to Mr. Satan, and waved.  "See ya."

            "Good…bye…" Mr. Satan said nervously.

            Goku raised two fingers to his forehead, then shut his eyes.  He concentrated on where he wanted to go, then used one of his newest techniques: the Instant Transmission.

            Goku disappeared in a flash, his body being transported to the location he had thought of.  Everyone gasped in shock, and Mr. Satan looked around in surprise.

            "Where'd 'e go?" he demanded.  "How'd 'e do that?  Where…?"

                                    *                                  *                                  *

            Back at Kame house, Krillen watched as Goku disappeared from sight.  "Wonder where he's goin'?" he said.  He took a long swig from his soda can.

            Suddenly, Goku appeared, right in front of Krillen, standing on the table.  Krillen nearly spit his soda across the room in shock.

            "Man, Goku, I wish you wouldn't _do that!" Krillen said._

            "Opps…" Goku said.  "Guess my aim was off."  Goku hovered above the table, then landed on the other side.  "Sorry 'bout that, Krillen."  Goku turned to the television set.  "What 'cha watchin'?"

            "I was watchin' you make a fool of that doofus, Mr. Satan!" Krillen said.  "You were great, as usual.  You sure showed them a thing or two!"

            "You don't think I over-did it?" Goku asked, sitting down cross-legged beside the table.

            "Nah, no way," Krillen said.

            Krillen and Goku watched the half-frightened, half-confused people on the television.  Occasionally they could hear the sound of Mr. Satan screaming, "It's a trick!  It's all a trick!" but other than this, nothing more.

            "So…" Goku said slowly.

            "Hmm…" Krillen said.

            There was a pause, and silence filled the Kame house.  Krillen took another sip from his soda can, and Goku pulled at a loose string on his pant-leg.  Both of them sighed heavily.

            "Wanna see what else is on?" Goku said quickly.

            "Sure," Krillen replied just as fast.

            Goku picked the remote control up off of the floor, and then, flipped the channel, beginning his and Krillen's journey through mindless entertainment.

The End


End file.
